I have a confession: I am not looking at.
Incredible, right? There are lost tribes in archipelagos thousands of miles out in the sea that spend their time debating who is hotter, Jon Snow or Jaime Lannister. Such is the cultural dominance of HBO's sword & # 39; n & # 39; saucy fantasy series that i feel like the only person in the world who does not look at it.
I'm not a total shut-in – I first looked back in season 2011. But I failed to continue when the show took over the world and won a record 47 Primetime Emmy Awards and became HBO's biggest show ever as 30 million people decorated and went online for each episode.
It was almost accurate when I lost interest in waiting a week for new episodes of a show. With the only exception for Doctor Who, I haven't followed any TV show week this week for a decade. I also got a little sick about talking about telly with friends. It may be the age of television gold, but instead of insightful conversations about the nuances of long-form narrative, all conversations seemed to mean that everyone would compare what piece of Breaking Bad they were up to.
But the main reason I gave up on the Thrones game so fast? During the first season, the characters barely kept audible whispering conversations about any guy named Stannis Baratheon, who apparently was super important. Which of the many identical bearded men is Stannis, I was thinking about. Is he that guy from The Wire? Is he the guy from the 90s British song set Robson and Jerome?
It was only at the end of the season that I realized that Stannis was none of them. He was not even in it .
Screw you, TV show!
Win or die
Winter does not come. Winter is here .
Eighth and last season begins April 14 – it's 28 days from now. There are 67 episodes so far, meaning between now and the beginning of season 8 I have to look at 2.3 episodes a day to catch up.
It's possible. I guess.
The question is what would it do for a person watching two and a half hours of muddy bloody death and copulating every day for a month?
There are a number of commercials currently on British television advertising Amazon Prime Video and depicting shows like Vikings and Lucifer are changing the lives of various fine viewers. A diaper-eyed dad enters the espionage thriller Jack Ryan and answers by dusting off his abandoned rowing machine and finally making these jobs around the house, but with a deadly intensity that clearly scares their children. At the same time, a groomed office worker looks at coves and clings to the job of obscuring tables and amuses wordless at his colleagues.
If that's what happens when you look at these god knows what mainlon Game of Thrones would do to me. What kind of feral, fur-covered mandrals would I be?
Moreover, the only thing that is colder than being something very proper is not something. "Game of Thrones?" I can announce loudly at parties. "Don't look at that, buddy." Ian McShane knew this – the straight-acting actor referred to the Game of Thrones as "just tits and dragons," and he is in it.
Maybe I can throw in a "It's just a Krull rip-off anyway," just to really get people up.
But I'm tempted to become one of you. I could finally join all the conversations at work, in the pub, online. "These two characters are obviously secret brother and sister," I could safely explain to the coffee machine. "I know who Stannis Baratheon is, thank you very much!" I could scream through the mailbox at passers-by.
Do you know what? I'll do it. I will enter the Thrones Game.
There are one million episodes to watch, but I actually go to paternity one minute now, which means I get plenty of free time on my hands, right? I'm pretty sure I already know every fucking thing that happened on the show yet thanks to the common headlines that shouted spoilers over social media and news sites over the past eight years.
I'm all in. Seventy hours of bloody murder and dynastic carnage in less than a month – let's do it!
Finally, I can join those who chat in my office instead of turning up my headphones as a kind of filthy pariah. Every Monday I can spend two hours talking about a TV show instead of working, and it will be OK, because the boss is most excited by everyone.
I finally understand what you have been so excited about, and I can also share that excitement – if only for about a month.
I understand the memes. I will be able to spend my lunch break reading detailed rounds of the section I saw literally a few hours ago. I use clan banners as analogies in Facebook arguments with vague racist cousins. I could even start a fan theory YouTube channel.
I will be delayed to become a dominant ruler.
Once and for all, I will win the game of faith.
Wait, there are books and ? Oh, come on!