قالب وردپرس درنا توس
Home / Tips and Tricks / Instead of telling kids no, tell them what to do instead – LifeSavvy

Instead of telling kids no, tell them what to do instead – LifeSavvy



  Mother Explains Expectations to Her Child
LightField Studios / Shutterstock

Tells Your Kids: "No!" is undoubtedly effective, but not always effective. More often than not, tells them what to do (instead of what should not do) a better outcome. Here's how.

Think about how you feel when someone tells you, "No, don't do that." Probably annoyed, frustrated and confused. You may be wondering: & # 39; why not? & # 39; It is no different for young children, who learn to understand the world around them. They may be thinking, & # 39; What should I do instead? & # 39;

A more effective approach to guiding your children is to tell them what to do instead of what not to do. It seems like simple advice ̵

1; and it is – but that doesn't mean it's easy. We want to prevent our kids from doing something wrong, and & # 39; no & # 39; is usually the fastest way to communicate that. It takes conscious effort to pause and to think of a positive way to instruct our child in appropriate behavior. But trust us, tell your kids: & # 39; do this & # 39; is more effective than relying on & # 39; no, don't & # 39 ;.

The overuse of & # 39; no & # 39; weakens its effect

Children hear this word all day, quickly learn to tune it. If you say no to them, but don't offer an alternative, they keep going. By saying, "Don't touch my phone," your child is more tempted to reach out and play with your phone.

Strong negative commands, such as no, stop, not, can not, should be reserved for extreme cases. Think of life or death situations, such as when your child is about to cross a busy street, touch a hot stove, or grab a knife from the counter. When used sparingly, a powerful & # 39; no! & # 39; a child must stop in her tracks, ready to listen. If your child is currently shutting down a negative command, such as & # 39; Stop, don't grab that! & # 39; then it may be time to assess your use of these words.

The bottom line: Too often & # 39; no & # 39; hearing can lead to built-up tension, confusion, resentment and rebellion.

Overcome selective hearing with short clues [19659007] Have you ever wondered why your kids don't listen to what you say? Well, that's because they don't really listen . Children are fully absorbed in one idea, project, game or toy until the next exciting distraction occurs. If we digress long commands, they only register a fragment of it.

"No, you can't cross the street to get that ball" suddenly becomes "cross street" and "get ball".

Try phrasing your requests for short, positive assignments differently. For example: & # 39; Hold my hand. Let's cross the street together & # 39; can be seen as & # 39; Hand. Cross together. & # 39; This is much better than having your child run across the street to get a ball himself. Depending on your child's age and development, you may even want to follow one command at a time. For example, you could ask them to hold your hand and wait for them to do that before they talk about crossing the street or getting the ball back.

Remember that children respond best to requests that are calm, firm, and direct. Avoid breaking, shouting, or yelling, as this will close children, making it harder for them to hear what you're trying to communicate.

Explain to Get Involved

  Mother Helps Her Daughter Plan
LightField Studios / Shutterstock

Children learn to use their reasoning and cognitive skills to understand themselves and the world. By explaining the reason why we do or don't do something, they can better understand your requests.

For example, "We should be careful with Sarah because she is a baby," perfect for a toddler. You can go on to say, & # 39; She likes soft touches. Biting hurts. Let's be careful. "In this short conversation you explained that being gentle is what is expected of a baby, Sarah likes soft touches and biting hurts. Quite basic concepts, but still difficult for a 2-year-old to understand. [19659004] Older children may also benefit from explanations. For example: "I want you to practice with me at night before taking the car out alone. It's because the view is more challenging at night." You offered a solution and explained why. This is easier for a teenager to absorb rather than hear, "No, you can't take the car with you tonight."

You can also use a running story to explain and correct behavior instead of relying on negative commands. If your child throws food, consider reporting what's going on. "Wow, you throw a lot of your food. Looks like you've finished dinner." Then take your child out of her high chair. She's more likely to learn the cause and effect with this method, as opposed to a snappy one: & # 39; No! Stop throwing your food! & # 39;

You can also try: & # 39; Food remains on your plate. Not on the ground. Let's keep our food on the plate. Always describe what you expect and what is needed. This will lead children to the desired behavior without feeling bad or wrong.

Offer alternatives to diversion behavior

Children, especially younger ones, are easily distracted. your child desperately wants to play with your phone (as so many babies and toddlers are nowadays), offer them a new toy they haven't played with in a while. "You can play with this."

Create child-safe areas at home, where your kids can play with everything in that area without being told “no.”

If your child is begging for ice cream, offer some healthy favorites instead, explain that ice cream is stored for special occasions, such as birthday parties.

If your toddler is a biter, explain that biting hurts and offer a bite toy. "You can bite anything you want. But let's be careful with the fingers of your sister. "[19659004PerhapsyourchildtapsthekitchenlightingwhileeatingmakingitdifficultforyoutocookOfferingalightswitchinthehallwaytoplaywithisaquickandeasysolutionoraflashlighttheycanturnonandoffcanbeevenmoreinteresting

In the eyes of the child, an alternative is often just as good – sometimes – sometimes better – as the originally desired activity / object.

Understanding their emotions makes it easier

Causing tantrums, hitting, getting frustrated – it's all part of healthy development. This is because children lack the emotional maturity to express their feelings constructively. Instead, they throw themselves on the floor, bite you, or swing their toys around.

When they react furiously to their tantrums, she says that it is not okay to show their emotions (and that anger is a valid means of communication). Take a deep breath, go to their level and recognize what they feel.

“I see that you are angry and frustrated. I understand. But spanking hurts. Let's use your words instead. "By delving deep into their underlying emotions, you are making them come into contact with what they are feeling, rather than taking it out.

Then give them options to explore." Shall we ask for a hug? if we're upset? "Or," I know you want to go to the park, but it's raining. We can read some books about the park instead. & # 39;


Learning to break through the natural reflex to & # 39; No! & # 39; Shout. or to tell our kids not to do something is difficult. Don't feel bad using negative commands; they exist for a reason. But try to find ways to & # 39; no & # 39; and & # 39; not & # 39; to reformulate in & # 39; you can do this & # 39; instead. The more you give your children specific examples of acceptable behavior, the more likely they are to follow that path.

And remember, we are not suggesting that you never use simple negative commands. It's just that they are much more powerful tools when used sparingly.


Source link